Best Funny Quotes That Will Brighten Your Day

Best Funny Quotes That Will Brighten Your Day

Let this collection of funny quotes bring a smile to your face - you can find laughter, humor, and wisdom in these. You may find some of them to be motivational because they challenge you thinking in a humorous way but also in a motivating way. Find that favorite funny quote and let it be your quote of the day to inspire and motivate you or read our Best Funny Jokes In Hindi For Kids.

Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
— Jerry Seinfeld

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
— Erma Bombeck

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’
— Anonymous

Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
— Ellen DeGeneres

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
—Joan Rivers

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
— Will Ferrell

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
— Rita Rudner

My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.
—Bobby Boucher

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
—Anonymous

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
—Phyllis Diller

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
—Mark Twain

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
— Anonymous

Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
— Anonymous

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
— Albert Einstein

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
―Mindy Kaling

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
— Anonymous

I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
— Anonymous

You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
— Anonymous

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
— Michael Scott

Funny Quotes To Entertain Your Family Wih Images

I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
—Jerry Seinfeld

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
—George Carlin

When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.
— Larry David

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!
— Anonymous

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.
— Anonymous

Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.
—Adam Gropman

As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
—Sir Norman Wisdom

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.
— Anonymous

My boss told me "It's not rocket science." Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.
— Anonymous

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
— Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.
— Anonymous

The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
—Clairee Belcher

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
—Anonymous

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'
— Anonymous

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
— Paul Fix

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.
— Anonymous

Usher: “Bride or groom?
Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!
— Anonymous

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
— Albert Einstein

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
— Anonymous

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
— Anonymous

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
— Anonymous

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
— Anonymous

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.
—Ace Ventura

I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.
—Sheldon Cooper

Funny Quotes By The Funniest People of The World

For 2019 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year!
— Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."
— Anonymous

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
— Anonymous

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
— Anonymous

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
— Savannah Highnote

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!
— Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
— Anonymous

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
— Anonymous

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
— Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
— Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
— Anonymous

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
— Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
— Anonymous

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
— Anonymous

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.
— Anonymous

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
— Emo Philips

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
— Anonymous

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
— Anonymous

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
— Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
— Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
— Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
— Anonymous

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.
— Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.
— Anonymous

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.
— Anonymous

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
— Anonymous

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
— Pablo Picasso

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
— Anonymous

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
— Anonymous